My mother in law's parting gift. And I'm disgusted.

My mother in law (who is actually lovely, by the way) has been here for the summer. 

It has overall been a fantastic trip and we loved having her here. We went camping, to the safari park, to Birmingham, to the beach, bike riding, walking... it has been a great summer. It has also been a healthy summer - loads of veggie stir fries, spiralised vegetable pasta, fresh fruit and all of the things that we typically have as a vegetarian family that avoids processed foods.

But then Grandma showed up, with her 'Grandma Ways' of giving the kids pretty much whatever they wanted, as Grandmas typically do. Chocolate, daily treats, ice cream, Yan-Yan's and juice. I had to step in and put my foot down once they bought the kids Apple Jacks and it came with an actual warning label above the ingredients stating that this cereal causes hyperactivity and slow brain development.

I'd more or less gotten used to Grandma going shopping and the house then being stocked with weird things, different brands than we are used to and stuff we wouldn't normally have around. But this was okay. I'm still on my Prisoner of War Steroid Diet and was more or less continuing to hold strong.

So at some point I just stopped paying attention, and used whatever she had bought as it was in the house. The cucumbers she picked, her brand of eggs, her type of brown bread, her brand of butter in the fridge... whatever. It had to be used up anyway.

The butter tasted funny and I didn't really like it, it also seemed very 'bright'. I wasn't using a lot, just a smidgeon here and there on my whole wheat toast, a bit with my scrambled eggs, a scoop melted onto popcorn one night, a little bit in making refried beans, a wee bit on a whole wheat cracker...

It was cold the day that my mother in law left to go home to Canada, and I threw on my jeans for the first time in weeks to go to the airport to meet my cousin... but there was something wrong. They didn't quite fit. They went on, but they didn't quite go up.

What the hell? How was this happening?! I was stood in front of the fridge staring at the grapes completely dumbfounded when Paul walked in to make his coffee, noticed the crumpled package of butter on the counter and burst out laughing. He turned to me, "Honey, have you been using this?!

"Yes, your mom bought that butter. I was trying to use it up."

"This isn't butter. It's shortening. For the cake icing."

What?!

CURSE YOU MOTHER IN LAW!!!!