Prescription for Disaster

Thursday, 22 May 2014

I have a dirty, dirty mind

So I'm at this Sarcoidosis support group the other night and we're all sitting around a hospital boardroom table talking about everyone's issues, as you do. I got hopelessly lost within a strange hospital and came in late so I missed all of the introductions.

We're sitting there and this posh-looking business guy at the head of the table says "Look, I need some advice on medications. I'm having serious issues with my performance." and makes circular motions toward his lower abdomen.

Immediately I stifle a grin. No WAY are we about to hear about some stranger's bedroom issues, right?

So he goes on:

"I can barely perform at all right now. It's really affecting my life"

I can't believe the turn this conversation has taken.

He continues:

"I build up slowly and strongly but when it comes to the grand release...nothing" and makes explosion motions with his hands while thrusting out his chest.

Oh my God I am dying. HOW is nobody else giggling at this?!? How can I be the only immature one in the room? I made eye contact with my friend and was shocked to see that she didn't seem too phased by this.

He continues:

"My self esteem is shot. My performance is even affecting my home life now."

ZOMG is he talking about sexual problems OUTSIDE of his marriage?! With US?!

I let out a teeny giggle of discomfort and awkwardness- looking around the table but NOBODY else is blushing and giggling like a 14 year old boy. How is this possible?!

He continues:

"I'm afraid my career is ruined."

OMG what does this guy do for a living?!?!? This has quickly become the BEST SUPPORT GROUP EVER. I am DYING in my chair. I had to turn my head away because I absolutely could not keep a straight face and then-

An elderly woman around the table kindly asked him how The Adams Family went. 

Wait, what?!

Turns out he is an actor in London's West End. Musical theatre. He's currently playing Lurch.

I turned to my friend and whispered "wait, so none of that was a sexual reference?" and she was like "what is WRONG with you?"

1 comment:

  1. (Sarc guy here) This is one of the funniest things I've read in ages. Thanks for the laugh on a dreary day!