Training the Dog, Part 2

Reclaiming the Sofa

Apparently, Huar Huar feels that because he uses the furniture like people, we're all his prison bitches. The solution to this, as was kindly pointed out to us again by Liane and Roy, is to either A: get him off the furniture or B: buy taller furniture. So for now, Huar Huar has entered phase 2 of our attempt at turning him into a normal dog, and he is no longer allowed on the furniture. Eventually we'll let him up on it by invitation only, but for now, no furniture for him.

In our new place it's been quite easy - the only furniture that he can reach downstairs is the sofa - 3 days of kicking him off repeatedly has paid off in that he doesn't really even try any more. Or, so we assume. I have no idea what he does at night while we're upstairs, but I'm sure I wouldn't approve. He's probably been making sweet sweet love to our shoes or something. I wouldn't put it past him.

Now that boundaries are being set, we're going to try place training him onto a mat by the garden door, and see how that goes.

Training the Dog, Part 1

So, I kind of lost my shiznit on the dog about a week ago after he nearly bit one of the twins because well, she touched him. Our friends Liane and Roy have a rescue dog and have thankfully done years and years of dog training research, reading, trial and error so that they can pass on their wisdom to me in quick 10 minute cliff's notes intervals - which we're hoping to use, along with our Tivo being set to It's Me Or the Dog - US of the occasional tip and for that little bit of validation that at least we're not as bad as the people on TV.

Step 1 - The upstairs is a no - dog zone. For now.

This is good because:

• He can't piss on my bed if he can't get to my bed. ( I told you he was a jerk )
• He can't piss on the twins' stuff if he can't get to the twins stuff. Well, the stuff upstairs anyway. He got the RaRa Tree House play set this afternoon. The bastard.
• He can't growl at the kids while they're sleeping
• Apparently this is going to set some sort of boundary with him, that the kids can go upstairs and he can't because he's lower on the great family totem pole. The cat is on the top, and has made this very, very clear.

We expected to have some very rough nights with Huar Huar howling, yowling, dirty protesting on the sofa and unleashed hatred and revenge upon us and the twins. But nothing seems to have happened. He's cool with it for the most part. We've got a baby gate at the top of the stairs (not yet at the bottom. Parents of the year, right here ) and he just hangs out either downstairs all night or at the top by the gate, but not technically upstairs with us.

I'm quite happy with this, and after a full week of him being a "downstairs doggie" I'm going to claim this one a win:

US: 1 Dog: 0

We're going to keep him downstairs, until he's stopped being an overall jerk about everything else. However, if he keeps this up he may not get shipped off to Canada after all.

My dog is a jerk, but we're working on it.

My dog is a jerk.

The Jerk. Sideways. Because I'm technologically challenged. Very.

His name is Huar Huar and we brought him over to the UK from China, he was a jerk before we brought him over here, but 6 months in British quarantine has given him PTSD and made him into even more of a jerk.

See, I've watched enough Caesar Milan to know that the problem is me. And Paul. Mostly Paul. But I still think that deep down, my dog is just a jerk. Here's why:

He:

• Growls at the kids
• Nips at the kids
• Tries to eat anyone that comes to the door
• pees on stuff
• just to be an asshole
• Anger poops
• Makes a point to puke all over me whenever he's in the car
• Bites our friend Roy but is totally cool with homeless squatters sleeping in our back yard. Ass.

But:

• We've had him for so long and he's always been my best bud
• he saved us from being robbed / murdered in China more than once
• he keeps the cat in check

So, at 11 years old for him and 31 years old for me, we're for the very first time going to try to train the dog.

And the kids. You know what? Fuck it. We're just going to try training everybody around here.